Law Talks Episode: January – the notorious ‘Divorce Month’

Robyn: Good morning and welcome to law talks here on 4CRB. And today we have joining us Attwood Marshall Lawyers, Family Law Associate Laura Dolan, thanks for joining us, Laura.

Laura: Thanks for having me.

Robyn: And happy New Year.

Laura: You too.

Robyn: As we settle into the new year, we’re diving into a topic that unfortunately tends to come up quite a bit at this time of year. Divorce. January has become notorious as divorce month because so many people use the fresh start of the new year to reassess their lives and relationships.

So, let’s get into it. Laura, what can you tell us about divorce month?

Laura: Absolutely. So, there is a general trend that we see both men and women, but mostly women who are not happy in their relationship, walk away and finally take that step to call it quits early in the new year.

Well, after all the new year often signifies a fresh start. It does take a lot of courage to walk away, and many people choose to stay as long as possible. This is often not to upset the apple cart or not to have to think about dividing up property or where the kids will live.

But if a relationship simply just isn’t working, the thought of spending another year in that marriage or relationship can often become unbearable. Usually, once all the fun and festivities of Christmas is over, reality kicks in. And people are ready to act.

Robyn: Yeah, I’ve heard of the concept that women grieve before they leave. Is this something you see?

Laura: Generally, women have weighed up all the options and already processed that the end is near before officially calling it quits on a relationship.

It has been said that two-thirds of all divorces, which makes about 69 per cent, are often initiated by women. Women are more likely to initiate breakups as they often feel less satisfied than men in their relationships. Things like not feeling emotionally fulfilled, poor communication with their spouse, and feeling a lack of independence.

Here’s a fact that may not land as well for all our listeners, but research has shown that divorced women with children sleep better and rest more than those with a male partner. The research says single women do three hours less housework and sleep an hour longer per week as well.

In today’s day and age, many cases, women are working as many hours as their male partner, but they also carry the extra load and home duties as well as the care duties of the children. Let’s not mention the mental load.

This can cause a lot of stress and resentment over time, which brings women to a position that they are ready to walk away and seek their independence and a change to their circumstances. But this is just a small piece of a larger puzzle, but certainly something that we see at the start of the year when women are ready to talk about separation and divorce.

Robyn: Laura, does the cost of divorce make people hesitant to separate and cause them to stay in an unhappy marriage?

Laura: Well, the divorce itself isn’t necessarily expensive. It’s often the other legal matters that come with that, that drive up the costs.

An application divorce is a straightforward process, usually with a fixed fee. Plus, the court filing fees, which can be reduced if someone does have Centrelink benefits or a concession card. However, it’s important to remember that before you get the divorce, you typically should settle property matters. This is where things can become more complicated, and the costs do increase here depending on the situation.

However, on the other hand property settlements can be as simple or as complicated as the former couple makes them. What we do often see is that people are spending a lot of time and money fighting over sentimental items or getting stuck on the principle instead of treating it more like a business transaction and often working towards the fairest and quickest solution.

It is understandable, though, that of course, when you’ve shared a life, finances and assets with someone, dividing them up can be very emotional, especially when it comes to deciding on what happens to the family home. But there are often ways to reduce the costs and time involved if both parties are willing to work together.

Robyn: So, if someone is listening to this right now and thinking about separating from their partner, what are the first steps they should do or what can they expect to happen next?

Laura: There are a few things you can do, so if you are in the early stages of separation or even considering separation, then you can start early by preparing yourself. Firstly, keep a diary or even a chronology of events. This will benefit you or your lawyer later on, as you may need to recount key dates or events throughout the process.

Include things like the date you and your partner meet. You start living together. The date you got married. The date you separated or any milestones or key events in the relationship like periods of unemployment, when properties were sold or purchased, how much they were, dates of the children’s births, etcetera. In the diary, I would also list a summary of the assets and liabilities that you and your partner had at the start of relationship and what they look like now.

Secondly, if you decide to separate and are able to speak with your former about the living situation and moving forward, the goal is to determine whether you can agree on an interim arrangement whilst navigating this separation.

Things to discuss can include who’s going to leave the family home. Can you afford to move out? Is it safe to remain under the one roof? There’s plenty of things to consider here.

Robyn: And what about keeping a record of any discussions you are having with your former partner? How important is that?

Laura: At the time, it may seem unnecessary, but keeping a record of all communications with your former partner is crucial. So, when discussing your property settlement or parenting arrangements, try to do so in writing. This can be by email or text message and avoid sending any communication you wouldn’t want a judge or your former partner’s lawyer to read.

If you do have important conversations over the phone or in person, always back it up and confirm these conversations via text or email so that you have the record of the discussion.

Also, things to consider is be careful what to put on social media. Social media posts are often used as evidence in court proceedings which we see very often. So, make sure your privacy settings are in place and be very careful about posting or commenting on anything that may be used against you.

Robyn: And I imagine it could get overlooked easily, but things like changing passwords to your email account or similar platforms should also be front of mind?

Laura: Yeah, absolutely.

So, people going through a separation should change all their passwords to social media accounts, banking and email accounts, which will minimise the risk of their ex having access to those. If you do have a joint bank account, though, with your former partner and concerned about their access, notify the banks that you and your former partner are going through a separation and ask that the bank accounts require a dual signature so no one can withdraw money without consent.

Robyn: And what about things like legal documents like your will, most couples if married or in long term relationships, likely have wills that include each other. And what stage should these documents be updated?

Laura: That’s a great question, Robyn. So, it is critical to update your will and other estate planning documents immediately. We have seen it happen so many times where something unexpected takes place during the separation period, but prior to divorce, and former couples have not yet updated their will or enduring power of attorney or their binding super nominations. If someone suddenly passes away, it could mean their ex now inherits all their assets, is appointed executor of their estate or in the instance of someone suddenly losing mental capacity, they have enduring power of attorney in place. Their former partner could be also the one appointed to step in as that attorney and has the power to make all the decisions, including health and financial, for them.

This is not an ideal situation, so I can’t stress this enough the importance to do your estate planning as soon as possible following separation, don’t just wait till you’re divorced.

Robyn: Yeah, that’s a great reminder, Laura and I imagine that when there is so much going on when separating from a partner and trying to figure out living arrangements or parenting arrangements that this could be easily overlooked. Is there anything else people should be aware of?

Laura: It is important to understand that the first step to any family law matter is when you’re discussing property is to collect financial and legal documents in your possession.

You’ll have to provide these documents by way of disclosure to your lawyer later on, as you will to your former partner. So it’s best to get ahead of it. The usual documents can look like you’re ATO tax returns and recent pay slips, your bank statements, superannuation statements, mortgage statements and copy of any other loan agreements you may have, your credit card statements, a real estate appraisal for all or any properties in your name. An evaluation for any motor vehicles in your name.

Also, evidence of disposal any property in the 12 months prior to separation or since separating from your spouse. There are other documents you may need if you have an interest in a trust or if you’re a director or a shareholder in a company. There is a lot to gather initially and it’s a massive process. However, if you seek advice from a skilled family lawyer, they can become your ally and can guide you through this legal maze and ensure your rights are protected and that you can achieve a fair settlement as quickly as possible and be able to move on with your life.

Robyn: And in addition to legal support that often people need to help them navigate through the separation and divorce process, no doubt there’s a big need for emotional support that people should not overlook when they’re in the middle of the storm.

Laura: Absolutely. It’s so important to get emotional support when you’re going through separation and divorce. It’s a big decision and it can take its toll. We’re only human here, so it’s important not to feel rushed. It’s just as important to be able to talk to trusted friends or family what you’re going through.

But don’t overlook professional support. Relationships Australia is a leading provider of a relationship support services and offers free counselling services which can be incredibly helpful if you find that you or your children are not coping with the current situation.

Robyn: Well Laura, you’ve certainly given our listeners lots of food for thought today and a good picture of what to expect if someone is considering separating from their partner during the notorious divorce month. Thank you for being here with us today, Laura.

Laura: Thank you for having me.

Robyn: You’ve been listening to law talks here on 4CRB, which you can hear every Friday morning from 9 o’clock.