Too many people enter these talks with an aggressive winner-takes-all approach that is destructive to the resolution process and leaves all involved worse off, writes Hayley Condon, Family Law Special Counsel at Attwood Marshall Lawyers. Hayley explains why having a pragmatic and more respectful attitude leads to a better financial and emotional outcome.
Emotions run high when a relationship breaks down and separation appears inevitable. Amid feelings of loss, hurt and resentment, some can fall into the trap of treating their property settlement like a battlefield – fighting over every detail to “win.” But at what cost? Pursuing a legal war out of principle can drain your finances, prolong your pain and leave everyone worse off.
Family law matters are not about proving who was right or wrong in the relationship. They are about dividing the property pool that has been built together, making care and financial arrangements for children, and setting up both parties for an independent future.
Unfortunately, some people become fixated on fighting over every asset in the property pool – not out of genuine need, but because they do not want to “lose”, using the legal process as means to inflict personal and financial pain or to seek retribution for the breakdown of the relationship, ultimately hindering their former partner’s ability to move forward with their life.
As a family lawyer, I’ve experienced firsthand how costly and destructive this approach to divorce can be.
I have seen many people approach their property settlement too aggressively, thinking it will lead to a better financial outcome. However, property settlements are based on legal principles, not on who was at fault in the relationship.
Arguing over minor assets like the furniture, the television, or even a family pet can quickly become a distraction that leads to significant legal fees. Think about the big picture – what do you truly require to move forward with your life? Will dragging out the process improve the outcome or prolong the pain and make it more difficult for everyone involved to heal and begin anew?
There’s a common saying that “the only winners in a divorce are the lawyers.” But this is a misleading cliché that overlooks the real issue: it is not the lawyer who drives the conflict – it is how the parties choose to engage in the process.
A lawyer’s role is to guide, advise, and work towards a just and timely resolution, ideally with both sides coming to the table in good faith. When a party digs in over every detail or refuses to compromise, it prolongs the process and drives up the legal costs. The longer the battle, the higher the price – emotionally, financially, and psychologically.
Ultimately, it’s the parties who decide how adversarial the separation process will be, and, consequently, how significant the legal costs become.
Separation is undeniably a profoundly painful experience — one of the most emotionally charged events a person may face. For this reason, it is recommended that if you are navigating a separation that you seek support in managing and processing these emotions, whether by reaching out to trusted friends and family or by engaging with professional counselling services.
When it comes to the property settlement, it is best to think of it as a financial transaction. Be respectful, remove the emotional heat from the situation, and you should experience a faster, more amicable resolution.
At Attwood Marshall Lawyers, our first thought is never litigation. We aim to resolve family law matters as quickly, peacefully and cost-effectively as possible so all parties can move on with their lives – with a strong emphasis on dispute resolution and negotiation.
Of course, if court intervention is the only way forward – where one party refuses to be reasonable or acts in bad faith – we are ready to support our clients through the process.
We do not encourage litigation for the sake of principle or because it would be emotionally satisfying, but if litigation becomes unavoidable, we remain steadfast in our commitment to advocate for and protect our clients’ interests throughout the court process.
If you are navigating a separation, the most critical decision you can make early on in the process is how you will handle it. Your approach will dictate the entire experience.
Separation does not have to be a battlefield. It is possible to walk away with your financial stability maintained and your mental well-being preserved.
To separate with dignity, the key is to stay focused on what truly matters: moving forward and beginning the next chapter of your life in a healthy and positive manner.
Attwood Marshall Lawyers – helping families resolve disputes effectively
Attwood Marshall Lawyers has a dedicated family law team who practice exclusively in family law matters. The team are well-versed in assisting clients with divorce, property settlements, binding financial agreements, parenting disputes and spousal maintenance, domestic and family violence, and estate planning.
If you have recently separated and need someone on your side to support you throughout the divorce process, we can help you understand your rights and obligations and guide you through this challenging time.
For advice, please contact our Family Law Department Manager, Donna Tolley, on direct line 07 5506 8241, email dtolley@attwoodmarshall.com.au or free call our 24/7 phone line on 1800 621 071.
